Well, here I am. The moment every mother dreads, having to go back to work and leave her little one in the care of someone else. Where did the time go!? Everyone says that "it goes by fast," but no one tells you its supersonic fast!!!

The pain of going back to work hit about two weeks out for me. I silently sobbed every night because one more day had passed, and I was one more day closer to it all being over. The pain and the grief I was feeling felt eerily familiar like I had been here before. It finally dawned on me that that the grief I was feeling had similarities to the thoughts and feelings I experienced after our miscarriage.

Here are the similarities the grief of these two different experiences:

I Blamed Myself
I felt like the world's biggest failure. I continuously felt like it was all my fault, and if only had I made different decisions, this wouldn't be happening. I know now that I didn't do anything wrong to cause my miscarriage, but at the time, I felt like my body had failed my unborn child. I miscarried early into our first pregnancy, but that didn't stop me from rethinking all the choices that I made and how they could have affected the pregnancy. 

This same feeling took place when I realized that staying home would be too hard financially. Once again, all of those "what if" thoughts started to pop back into my head again.  I blamed myself for not doing a better job saving or working harder on paying off my student loans. Realistically, I had done my best, but instead of looking at all I had accomplished, I could only focus on what I didn't do yet.

You Are Losing A Part of You
I would never wish a miscarriage on anyone. But unless you have gone through it yourself, you will never really understand how it feels. One moment, the baby is with you throughout every moment of the day, and the next moment they are gone. That emptiness is consuming.

This feeling of "gone" was not identical, but all too familiar. This little person I have been caring for day and night for the past eight weeks is now barely part of my day, especially on the nights where I had to go straight to my second job right after I was done teaching all day at school.

I was grieving the "loss" of my son.

Your Husband Gets It, But Doesn't
I have the World's Greatest Husband. I often say I won the jackpot when we became a couple. He is compassionate and caring and is an old school romantic. He knew I was struggling, with having to leave Jack and he understood it was hard, but he would never truly able to fully understand everything I was going through with this grief. Only moms, especially new moms, get it. 

This problem of not fully understanding what I was going through rang true with losing Jules. When we had our miscarriage, it was the same. The empathy my husband was trying to express could only go so far since no one truly understands this feeling unless they have experienced it themselves firsthand. As much as my husband lost Jules too, his experience was different than mine.

You Become Jealous of Other Moms
The feeling of jealousy was the most relatable. After I had my miscarriage, I was uncharacteristically angry and jealous when I saw or found out other people were pregnant, or even just seeing other people with kids in general. I couldn't escape it since I am a teacher. I was reminded daily, even hourly, of what I had lost. I so desperately wanted my baby back safe and with me. 

The feeling of jealousy is remarkably similar to the situation of going back to work vs. being a stay at home mom. I tried my best to stay off of the internet, but marketing my painting business requires me to be on social media to advertise my classes. By seeing so many stay-at-home moms plastered all over Facebook and Instagram, that frustration and jealousy started to creep back in.

I was and still am so envious that those moms could stay at home watching their little ones grow and experience new things every day. I know this choice is a huge financial sacrifice, but I wish more than anything, it was something my husband and I were able to pull off.

Blindsided By Emotions
After I miscarried, some days afterward were better than others. I don't think you can ever say you have ever completely recovered from losing a child, but each day that passes, it seemed a little better than the day before. But then there were some days where it seemed that everything was going just fine, and then BAM, out of nowhere, all the emotions and sadness came flooding on back like a tidal wave. I still have these days once in a while, even now, almost a full year later. 

About two weeks before I was to return to school, is when the sadness began to set in. I started sobbing almost every night silently as I would feed and rock Jack to sleep. During the day, I usually felt like I was doing better. It seemed like it was getting better. I would just be holding him, or I would look over as he was sleeping in his swing, and that tidal wave of emotions would return, followed by the silent sobbing.

You Would Give Anything To Make Things Different
There isn't much of an explanation needed for this one in regards to wishing things could have been different after experiencing a miscarriage. But these thoughts came across my mind also when it was time to return to work. I honestly became desperate. I looked for any way to make the impossible possible. 

The major hurdle holding me back from staying at home was my student loans. For the past three years, I have been trying to pay off my student loans aggressively by using everything I earned from my second job towards the loans. Even though I have done a phenomenal job whittling down the majority of my loans, one loan still stands in my way of being able to afford to stay at home with Jack.

I became so desperate to get rid of this loan that I was about to drain my entire bank account to pay it off. Withdrawing everything from my bank account would have been beyond reckless and irresponsible. Jack has mild medical issues, and our house is over 100 years old, that money had to stay put. But trust me, I thought about pulling the trigger on this quite a few times.

Everything Happens for a Reason
If I were to choose one motto that I believe in wholeheartedly, it would have to be that "everything happens for a reason." I had to remind myself during both of these experiences that everything that happens in life has a purpose. For my miscarriage, it was to show me that I did want children because I had always been on the fence. It also made my rainbow pregnancy that much more joyful and meaningful. 

I am still in the process of figuring out the reason that I was meant to go back to work. But for now, until I discover the meaning, I will say it is because I am hopefully reaching out to others reading this who may be experiencing these same feelings, helping to let you know that you're not alone. I know that each day will get a little easier, with maybe a minor setback here and there. This moment may be tough, but so am I and so are you.

Apple Bacon Cheddar (ABC) Chicken Sloppy Joes with Homemade Rosemary and Garlic Air Fryer French Fries 

Sandwiches are my husband's specialty. You have no idea and I have no idea how he comes up with the ideas for them, but they are amazing. The best part is he will make two different sammies because we have different tastes. For example, he isn't a fan of sweet or fruit in his food, but for this recipe, he made me a special sandwich. When he created his recipe of the night, he chose a Buffalo Chicken Sloppy Joe. It's like going to a restaurant and the best part is I get to try two sandwiches.

Tools You'll Want To Have:

• Air-Fryer 
• French Fry Potato Slicer

Prep time
3 hours before cooking, you need to prep the chicken (marinade and slow cook)
2 hours before you should begin making the coleslaw and the fries. 1 hour for each for slaw and fried prep (mainly to get flavors sinking in but not necessary if I’m in a hurry)
45 minutes for the rest before the meal.

Ingredients (makes 2-4 sandwiches depending on sandwich size)
2 Chicken Breasts
Teaspoon Salt
Teaspoon Pepper
Teaspoon of Honey Dijon 
2 Teaspoons of honey 
2 Apples sliced in sticks 
Smooth Cheddar Cheese of Preference (2 Slices Equivalent, depending on how it comes) 
Fresh bakery hard rolls
2 Tablespoons of Butter
6 Slices of Bacon

Slaw
12 oz Bag of Broccoli Slaw 
2 tablespoon Apple Cider Vinegar
1/2 Cup Mayo 
1 Tablespoon Honey
Salt and pepper to taste (teaspoon of each)

Fries 
5 Medium Potato’s
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons Rosemary
1 Tablespoon Garlic Salt/Powder
1 Tablespoon Minced Garlic

Directions 
Trim the chicken and marinate in 1 tablespoon honey, honey Dijon, salt, pepper, and rosemary

Place chicken in the slow cooker on low for 2-3 hours depending on thickness until reached an internal temperature of 165 degrees

About 45 minutes before mealtime, preheat the oven to 350 degrees 
Place bacon on a baking sheet (I use foil under the bacon bc of the grease) not letting the pieces touch.
Bake for about 30 minutes until desired crispness. 
Removed from oven, pat down grease with a paper towel, and chop
Set aside.

Remove chicken, let cool

Chop chicken into small cubes and set back into the slow cooker. 

Remove the skin from the apples. Chop the apples into small cubes and place into the slow cooker.

Add cheese (cubes, slices, or shredded to slow cooker - chop or shred first if block cheese)

Add the second teaspoon of honey (2 tbsp) and bacon.

Cook on low for 20 minutes or until cheese is melted and apples are tender

Mix ingredients together so that cheese melds all ingredients together.

Sandwich Construction
Cut the rolls in half when there are about five minutes left in the fries and chicken.
Add butter to the frying pan and melt on low heat.
When the butter is melted, place the rolls face down on the pan.
Cook for 1-2 minutes per side or until you see golden brown bread.
Place bread on the plate.
At this point, all of the other parts of the dinner should be finished.
Place a spoonful of apple chicken cheddar on the bottom half of the bread.
Place a spoonful or two of slaw on top of the chicken mix.
Cover with bread top.
Place a side of fries on the plate and serve.

​Owning a home has always been a goal of ours. We were determined to purchase a home that was affordable but also had character and charm. My goal was to transform this old gal (whom I affectionately have nicknamed Elizabeth) into something I was proud of by incorporating in style, with vintage flair without breaking the bank.

Like most homeowners, we have pets that we love like our own children. Marty (our Golden Retriever) was struggling to go up and down the stairs. It would take us forever to coax Marty to come up and go down. Finally, I had enough and decided since we had a little one on the way, we needed to install carpet on the stairs. 

I went to the home improvement store with a budget; I didn't want to spend more than $700. That already sounded outrageous to me as it was. I wanted to find a carpet that was bound on both sides to leave some of the hardwood exposed. When they totaled everything I was shocked to hear it was going to be OVER $1000! (PUKE EMOJI!!!) This wasn't even the fancy stuff with the lovely patterns. It was just your average solid carpet!

Right then and there, I decided there was no way I was going to spend that kind of money on a carpet. There had to be a way for me to bring down the cost.


I WAS SO RIGHT!


I measured the stairs and realized that I needed about 11 feet of carpet for each section of the stairs. That's when I started scouring Target's website. I knew I wanted something gray but also had somewhat of a pattern to it or variation of color. This tip was my takeaway from the pricey big box store. Since it is a high traffic area and sometimes my husband is notorious for not always removing his shoes, I needed something with a speckle or variation to the carpet.

Luckily I was able to find a runner on Target for $74 each, plus a matching 3-foot diameter rug for the landing. The overall cost took us to a total of $191! That was over $800 in savings! WOOHOO!

Here is how we installed the rug, and if we could do this, so can you!

3. Once all of the tape is laid down on each step, you can begin to install the carpet. Start from the top and have it go all the way up the backboard. Staple it as close as you can to the top. You will see a little bit of the staple. To hide this, gently comb the carpet with your hand to disguise the staple. It should cover easily.  

4. Next, pull the carpet tight and pull it down to the first step making sure it aligns with the tape. Take the plastic putty knife and push it into the corner of the step to make sure you have a tight fit. It might be overkill, but we didn't want to take any chances. We placed a staple in both the backboard and the step to make sure the carpet would stay in place.

5. After that, pull the carpet tight and bring it under the lip of the step. Staple under the lip of the step.

Congrats! I am assuming you are here because you have a little one on the way, and you are trying to prepare for the shower and the BIG DAY!

Coming home from your baby shower can be a bit overwhelming. My sister felt completely overwhelmed after hers. My mom and I came over to her house after her baby shower to help relieve her anxiety. When it was my turn to have my baby shower a few years later, I wanted to avoid this overwhelming feeling. 

Here are my suggestions on things you should do BEFORE your baby shower:
​

Set up a Registry Through Target or Buy Buy Baby:
​I also recommend setting up a registry with at least one store as well for two reasons. First, you will have guests that are old-school and like to buy it in person. You will also have guests that wait until the last minute to buy a gift. Second, when you register through Target or Buy Buy Baby, they will send out a 15% off coupon that you can use towards any items that you did not receive through your baby shower. Unfortunately, some online sites like Babylist, do not do this for all of the products you may have chosen for your registry.

Don't Register Solely Online, Go In Person Too:
I learned this one the hard way, but I am also going to blame it on the fact that Covid had all the stores shut down, so I was unable to go into the stores.

​Make sure you go and check out some of these items in person, specifically the larger items. I registered for a swing, thinking I would be saving space by not purchasing a Mamaroo. It was the opposite. I was surprised by how much room the swing took up in our already small living room.

BuyLarge Plastic Storage Bins:
You are going to get a lot of stuff that you might not need right away. Finding a spot for everything to go right away can be daunting. 

Buy at least two large plastic storage bins. Label one of them, Newborn-6 months, and label the other, 6+ months. Place items that you won't need right away in each of the containers. You can then deal with it at a later time or if you are like me, go into them when you need that specific item when the baby is ready. 

I hope these tips help make your shower less stressful and more exciting. Check back for my next blog post on items to register for your shower. 

Thanks for stopping by mama! ​​

Hooray! A new baby has arrived, and you are on your way to meet this little bundle of joy soon. As a new parent myself, it has seemed like a revolving door of guests coming to meet Jack. Most of the time, our friends and family arrived with gifts for us and the baby. 

The most common gift a guest arrives with is a blanket or a stuffed animal. I can guarantee that these parents now have a ton of blankets and stuffed animals for baby. Can you blame them? They are so cute!

So what should you bring instead? Here is my list of 10 different gift ideas to give a new parent:

1. Coffee: You do not have to spend a ton of money for parents to be grateful. I had a few friends swing by and bring me a coffee (shout out to Dunkin'). It was the best because they were here to visit Jack, they had a hot cup of coffee for this exhausted mama, and they most likely would be holding him so I could enjoy my coffee hot for once!

2. Bring a pre-made meal: This one was great. I loved it when our friends and family did this for us. It was so helpful not to have to worry about making dinner. Pro-tip: I will always be grateful when people bring us food, ALWAYS! However, we did get a lot of pasta. I suggest bringing something like a taco casserole.

Another idea is to bring is a ready to bake dessert like homemade cookies. The dough can be stored in the freezer until they are ready to be baked and eaten.

3. Grub-Hub Gift Card: This is a great idea because sometimes, guests are so generous with bringing meals with them that they start to run out of room in the refrigerator. YIKES! This gift makes your life easier too because you don't have to cook or transport the food, BONUS!

4. Alcohol: This is always well received, especially for mom. She has just spent nine months making this tiny human, and why not celebrate, right? Also, she hasn't been allowed to drink for the last nine months. Champagne or sparkling wine is always a safe route. 
However, if you want to make it a little more personalized, you could try to find a drink with their name in it. For example, one of our neighbors brought us a bottle of Jack Daniels with a liter of Coke. I got the biggest kick out of this idea. 

Some wineries like Casa Larga Vineyard will create custom labels for their clients. You could bring over a bottle of wine or a few that commemorate the baby's milestones. You could have a bottle that celebrates when the baby sleeps through the night for the first time or says their first word.

5. Tree or plant: Buy a tree to plant in the yard. It will be exciting to watch the tree grow over time with the little one every year.

6. Care.com gift card: Buy a babysitting gift card for the parents to use when the baby is a little bit older. It will be nice to know that babysitting is covered. This gift is great for friends that live out of state or do not have people to watch the baby easily. 

7. Amazon gift card or a Prime membership: This gift is pretty self-explanatory. It is nice to purchase items quickly without having to run to the store. Most new moms are not allowed to drive the first two weeks after having their baby.

8. Gift basket of essential baby items: Okay, this is my most "boring" suggestion, but this comes in handy very quickly. Create a gift basket of important baby items these new parents are going to need regularly. Often, these items were not received at the baby shower., but come in handy quickly. Here is what I suggest butt paste for diaper rash, Aquaphor, Gripe Water, baby brush, bottle sterilization steamable pouches, stool softener, Epsom salt, baby Tylenol, Kinde milk storage bags, etc.

9. Shutterfly Gift Card: Most parents are taking a million photos of their  baby. It is nice to get these images off of the phone and into an album. You could even make one yourself if they post a lot of images on social media.

10. Time: Gifts do not always need to be purchased. If you are close with the parents, let them know ahead of time that you are dedicating the first 30 minutes to watching the baby. This idea was  inspired by my sister's mother in law. She would come over and take the baby for a 30 minute walk in the stroller allowing my sister and her husband a chance to shower or clean up around the house interrupted. It is so helpful and it costs nothing.

Whatever you choose to bring the new parents will love and appreciate. Enjoy your time visiting that new baby and get some snuggles!