When my husband and I first got married, we were on the fence about having children. We loved our carefree lifestyle. We could do what we wanted when we wanted. Life was perfect. At the moment, I didn't feel that "urge" that all the moms that I knew talked about. I figured when the time was right, I would know.
I first realized something was up when my breasts started tingling, just like that sensation when your arm falls asleep. My breasts also felt hard, like really hard. Then I realized I was late, which is uncommon for me. Ugh oh... could I be pregnant? I bought a pregnancy test and told my husband that I felt different. He thought I was crazy and didn't take it seriously. I took the test and even went so far as to record it with my phone. I wanted to capture our reactions just in case the pregnancy test came back positive. Sure enough, we were pregnant with two positive tests. I am going to admit it, at first I was freaked out, and so was he. But about an hour later, Tom told me how excited he was once the shock had worn off. This caused my worries to transform into excitement. We were supposed to see my family that night, so we decided why not tell them? We also recorded their reaction because we knew they would be shocked. My mom didn't disappoint with how excited she was about the news. The next day I woke up, I was beaming. I felt so special and excited. It was football Sunday, that's when I decided to give the baby the nickname Jules, after Julian Edelman until we knew the gender further down the line. It was a great day. Little did we know that that joy was about to be torn away from us. The following morning as I got up to prepare to get ready for school, my nightmare began to unfold. There it was, blood. I began to sob; my husband came rushing in. I begged him to go to the store and get me another test. He did; the nightmare continued to progress. They both came back negative. Great, I now had to go to work with a building full of children knowing I had lost mine. I felt it was too late to call in for a sub. I also knew if I didn't go to work, I probably would sit home and cry the entire day. I should have stayed home. For whatever reason, that day, out of all the days, my middle school students wanted to discuss the idea of me having kids someday. They had no idea how heartbroken and distraught I was and how I was barely hanging on by a thread that day. When I got home, I knew I needed to vent. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't like holding in my emotions. My husband always says I share our entire lives on Facebook; I felt this was the best way to cope with my heartbreak. I still do not regret this decision. I poured out my heart into that Facebook post that day. Little did I know the overwhelming amount of love and support that was about to come flooding back through my phone. Here was something else I didn't expect. It helped others begin to talk about their own experiences. I was shocked by how many women I knew that had experienced this tragedy themselves. The one moment that was the most powerful was when I received a private message from a former student. We had a great relationship when I had her in class in middle school. She found out that she was pregnant during her senior year and also lost the baby. Although she saw it as a second chance at regaining back her high school life, she still was saddened by her loss. Worse, was at the time, she felt she had no one to talk to about this. My heart broke for her. That night we had one of the best conversations. I was so proud of her for finding the strength to talk about it. Then I realized that so many women have probably had to face one of the worst days of their life alone. This hidden trauma and grief broke my heart even more. I know that not everyone is comfortable with sharing something so personal like this with others. But I promise you that if you find the strength to even reach out to another person, you won't regret it. That leads me to my list of ways to cope with miscarriage: Cry: You need to let it out for as long as you need to. Your hormones are a big mess, and your body is all out of wack. It is going to take time to heal both physically and emotionally. There may be days, even months down the line when you need to cry about it again. It is okay. Talk about it: It takes a lot of bravery to open up to someone about something so personal. But do you know what I think is worse, having to go through this alone. Don't be afraid to refer to them by name: No matter how short your little one's life was, it still was there. There was love and excitement about bringing that baby into the world. In my opinion, giving your child a name is a great way to honor their brief life. Share your story: I know that this one is definitely not for everyone and I completely understand and respect that. However, here is why I am mentioning it. When you are brave enough to share your story, you are helping break down the taboo of miscarriage. You also might be able to help someone else who is suffering silently. Also, when you are brave enough to share your tragedy with the world, if you decide to try and conceive again, the rest of the world celebrates even more with you when they find out about your rainbow baby. Find a way to remember your baby: There are multiple ways to do it. Here are some of the ways I have chosen and some other alternatives as well.
Get a tattoo:
Many people use this as their medium of choice to symbolize the moments they have gone through in life. Getting a tattoo is also a beautiful way to remember your baby if creating art yourself isn't your thing. It is also a way for fathers to honor the baby because dads feel the pain of your loss too. Buy a cake: I highly recommend this one for later down the line. You will eventually reach the inevitable due date day when you should have been snuggling your baby in your arms. When I realized mine was about a week away, all of those emotions came back and hard. I remember driving home with tears running down my face. I called my husband; we decided to buy a small cake for the two of us with some candles like you would a birthday cake. We lit the candles and said a little prayer. I am so happy we did this. I want to continue it every year. Try to find the silver lining: This one is tough, trust me, I know. How can you possibly find the good from something so heartbreaking? Everyone is different; it may not be possible for some of you reading this. However, I found mine; it did help me. My silver lining through this was that without getting pregnant by surprise with Jules, I wouldn't have realized that I did want to be a mom. I wouldn't have my beautiful little rainbow baby Jack; I wouldn't be talking to you trying to help you through this tough time. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. When you are ready, try again: After losing Jules, I knew I so desperately wanted to be pregnant again. I did some research and discovered that you can ovulate again two weeks after your miscarriage. I knew that I wanted to try again immediately. Those two weeks felt like an eternity. I bought these ovulation strips and used them every day to be sure I was ovulating before getting our hopes up. Sure enough, two weeks later, the test came back positive that my body was ovulating. Even better was that we were successful and were pregnant again on our first try. I promise that if you choose to try again when you conceive that next baby, you will be beyond thrilled, your rainbow baby will mean more to you than you can ever imagine. Mama, I wish you the best of luck. I hope that this blog has helped you to find ways to cope and survive this traumatic time. I plan on writing another piece next in regards to getting pregnant after your miscarriage to help you further with this part of your journey. I hope you stop back in to read it.
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With Covid causing schools, my side business, and well ...the whole country to shut down, I had a lot of time on my hands towards the beginning of summer and my due date in August. I felt pretty confident about becoming a mom, but I decided to read mommy blogs to be more prepared for when Jack arrived.
However, all that reading still had me caught off guard with some things I never anticipated with being a mom and having a new baby. Here are some of those things I've learned over the past 7 weeks: How Long It Takes To Prepare To Go Anywhere: I knew I would have to take a little more time to get myself and baby ready to run out to the store or complete a quick errand. I didn't realize it could take multiple hours depending on the day with a newborn. First, you need to get the baby dressed. Great! Now it is time to feed them so that they can sleep while you pump. That can take up to 30 minutes. Okay, they should be nice and full and fall right to sleep right? Sometimes... and then sometimes they fuss for up to an hour. Okay, great they're asleep! Time to pump for 30-40 minutes. Done! It is then you realize that the feeding window is quickly reapproaching again because everything took so long! They will be waking up again soon because they're hungry and you're not even out the door yet. Yikes! I can't tell you how hard it can be at times to perfectly time out this process. Some days are easier than others for sure! Formula Stains Fabric & Clothes: Jack was still struggling to breastfeed and we had to supplement formula in the meantime. (I am happy to report we did get the hang of it eventually...okay ... focus Melissa) Jack was and still is a messy eater and even with the burp cloth, he can still manage to get his milk on his clothes. My mom came over after work to meet Jack for the first time and he was in his cute going home outfit I had specially made from Etsy. Luckily, she let me know right away that formula stains clothes, and I would want to tackle soaking it right away if I wanted to save it. Luckily, using some blue Dawn dish soap and OxyClean soaking in some hot water for an hour took it right out! Baby Poops Are So Loud: Guys, I am not joking on this one. The first time you hear your little one poop you will be shocked by how violently loud and intense it is. There are still times it still makes me jump if I am holding Jack and he decides it is time to go to the bathroom. Seriously, get ready! Point The Penis Down: This one we had to learn the hard way. If you have a little boy, this advice is huge!!! When changing their diapers and reapplying the fresh one, you need to make sure his penis is pointed down. There was one night where Jack wet himself outside his diaper 3 times and soaked his mattress cover! Luckily, some seasoned moms were able to quickly diagnose the problem. This one is probably my number one word of advice. Your Boobs Will Tingle/ Hurt When Baby Cries: If you are breastfeeding or pumping, when your baby cries your brain sends a message to your breasts to get them to start producing more milk. It is the most bizarre feeling and most definitely unexpected. It also isn't fun when you haven't pumped yet and your boobs already feel like they're about to burst. Babies Need To Eat Every 2-3 Hours: This might be a "duh" concept to some of my readers, but I honestly had no idea and that's okay! We are learning here people! I was somewhat scolded by one of the overnight nurses when Jack was born for not feeding him in the middle of the night. I just thought that he would cry when he was hungry. I made sure to wake him up every 2-3 hours after to make sure his weight was up for the time being at the hospital. When we got home, I relaxed on that rule and let the kid sleep until he was ready to eat. In my opinion, never wake a sleeping baby unless it's really necessary. Your Boobs Can Get Milk Clots: Oh yeah... this is a fun one and I mean it with the heaviest amount of sarcasm possible. The best way to describe them is like having hard, rock-like clusters in your boobs. I feel like they usually pop up out of nowhere. This can and most likely will happen and they are not always the easiest to get out at times either. There are different recommendations on how to loosen the clog. There are breast vibrators that you can buy to loosen the clog. Applying heat with a damp microwaved cloth, heating pad, or a good soak in the bath is suggested. I read once that one mom had her husband suck it out. I gagged after reading that. Please ladies... do not do that! YUCK!!! I find that soaking and then immediately pumping or breastfeeding after has always worked best for me. Sometimes it also takes multiple sessions to finally get the clog out. PRO TIP: Do not wait to work on getting the clogged milk ducts out. I did once thinking it would just go away on its own without any extra effort. Oh boy was I wrong and man did it hurt. Please ladies save yourself the pain. Your Milk Production Is The Strongest At Night You produce the most prolactin at night. This is the hormone that promotes milk production. If you are struggling to produce but still want to breastfeed or pump your milk, night time is the time to do it! How Painful It Can Be For Your Milk Supply To Come In: This was not a fun day. I honestly thought something was wrong and I was getting an infection in my breasts. First of all, they got even bigger which I wasn't anticipating. Next, they became rock hard. I now understand why they are called melons, they felt that stiff! Lastly, they felt like they were on fire. This was not a fun day, but according to my doctor was normal. How To Properly Reheat Milk: There are two parts to this. First, you can leave breastmilk out for up to 4 hours in the bottle before it needs to be put into the fridge. Second is how to properly reheat milk once it has been in the fridge. What do you normally do when something is in the fridge and needs to be reheated? You microwave it! RIGHT!?! Ha, little did I know this is NOT what you do to reheat breastmilk. I made this mistake. This was heartbreaking to me at the time because I was producing very little and I felt like such a failure as a mom. Here was all I was able to produce for that sitting and I just ruined it. Instead, you need to heat it by placing the bottle or the milk bag in warm to hot temperature water. You can buy a bottle warmer or you can do what I do and just use the Kehrig to heat the water. Pro-Tip: This is also a great hack when you are over visiting at someone else's home. Most people have a Keurig in their home and if not, throw some water in a mug and heat the water in the microwave.
You, Will, Want to Cry Over Spilled Milk:
Whoever came up with the phrase "there's no use crying over spilled milk" obviously was not trying to pump or breastfeed. This has happened to me a few times now and even though I am producing well at this point it still is frustrating when it happens. Pro-Tip: Make sure the containers that are catching milk are secured properly. I know this is a "duh" statement, but once mine wasn't and when I went to get up from pumping, it came loose and went all over my pants and couch. GAH!!! Pregnancy Brain IS REAL: AND IT DOESN'T GO AWAY!!! OYE! You are going to be so forgetful and do weird things without even realizing it. My favorite was the time I couldn't find my Gatorade drink for the longest time. I ended up finding it in the cupboard where we keep the pots and pans. But for real, I can't tell you how crazy this is going to make you feel. I felt like I was struggling to even speak properly and form sentences. I honestly thought something was wrong with me. Thank goodness a friend confirmed that she had a similar problem because I felt like I had a stroke! Clothes Won't Fit Properly For A While: Again, I know this might be another "duh" statement to some of you reading but seriously I wasn't aware of this. I honestly thought all you had to do was get back down to your pre-pregnancy pant size. I am so proud to say I was able to fit back into my pants at 6 weeks; however, my pre-pregnancy tops are a joke. I barely have anything that fits and it is so frustrating because I am bored with wearing maternity tops and the same clothes I have been wearing over the past few months. Since I plan on pumping for as long as I can, I don't see this changing any time soon. You Have To Clean Under The Drying Rack: Normally, this would have been a no-brainer to me. However, with a new baby, there are so many things you need to remember to do throughout the day and when you are running on nothing but coffee and exhaustion you are going to forget a thing or two. This one was mine. I have one of those trendy grass drying racks that you place your bottles and pumping parts on. One day, it hit me. I hadn't cleaned under it. Let's just say I gagged when I lifted it, followed by lots of bleach and scrubbing. You Will Become A Multi-Tasking Champ: When you have a baby, you do not waste any time with procrastinating. Those downtime moments are beyond valuable. Things I used to drag my feet to do, I am now tackling because I know my time is limited. That's why I always laugh inside when people would tell me to "sleep when the baby sleeps". I would not get anything done if I followed this advice.
Welcome to the Mod Vintage Mama blog!
I have wanted to start a blog for a long time now. I tossed so many different ideas around but never fully committed. There were so many different passions I wanted to discuss, but didn't know how to bring them all together. It wasn't until recently that I finally figured it out. It has been crazy how much my life has changed in 6 weeks. My husband Tom and I recently welcomed our first baby boy into the world. Even though I felt well prepared to become a first-time mom, there were still a lot of things that I quickly learned that I did not expect. I read many blogs ahead of time, but I discovered that some things had not been mentioned that I thought it would be good for first-time mamas to know. So this is where it all begins as a put this all together with Jack on my lap (welcome to motherhood 101). My goal is to share things I am passionate about, like the things I have learned about being a mom, food recipes created by my talented husband, cool repurposed decorating ideas, and anything else that I find noteworthy to share. I hope you enjoy! I am one of those plan-ahead kinds of gals; I started packing my bag one month before my due date. I didn't want to get stuck scrambling last minute to get things together if there was an emergency or some other issue. Worse, I didn't want my husband trying to pack for me, no thanks! There are so many things you are going to want to bring when your little one arrives. When I was pregnant, I scoured the internet looking at different lists on what to bring and what not to bring so that I could be as prepared as possible. After all that research, I still managed to miss somethings. When we are eventually ready for baby number two (let's not get ahead of ourselves, Jack is only six weeks old), here are the things I would bring the second time around: Insurance Card, I.D & Wallet: You are going to need these at some point. We had to provide it before we were admitted. Make sure you have it and it is easily accessible. The Bags: I honestly wanted to go out and buy a cute new bag for the hospital like so many blogs talked about, but ladies don't do it. It is a waste of money! I promise you there are plenty of other things you can allocate that money towards for your new baby or even yourself. My suggestion is just to make sure your bag or luggage has wheels on it. It will make life much easier and it is one less thing you have to carry. Blanket & Pillow: I would recommend bringing one for each of you. In the hospital, I was a little surprised that the only blanket was a sheet. I would have loved to have had a fleece blanket to make it a little cozier not only for me but for Tom as well. Consider bringing a blanket from home, maybe a cute little portable one in a sac as well too. Also, bringing a pillow from home made it a little more relaxing for me. Snacks: This is a pretty obvious one because you are going to be there for a while. Bring a fun snack for dad but also some kind of snack as a reward for yourself because you are pushing out a tiny human and you deserve the world girl! I try to eat healthily and only have junk food sparingly. I decided to make it a little special for me. I chose to pack something I loved in my childhood and that I hadn't had in forever; I packed a box of Cinnamon PopTarts and S'mores PopTarts. Cooler Bag/ Insulated Grocery Bag: This one was huge and I have to give full credit to my husband on this one. With Covid happening during our pregnancy, we were told once we entered the hospital, we wouldn't be allowed to leave until we were released and there would be no access to a refrigerator. This was going to be a problem for Tom since he is a food lover. He even went so far as to ask a male nurse at one of our ultrasound appointments how the food was. This is what prompted his idea. What is the one thing that hospitals have lots of? Ice! We found out that I would most likely have to be induced, luckily this gave us a chance to order a sub from Wegmans (trust me these are not your average subs). We packed one for Tom and one for me once Jack arrived. It took 18 hours to bring our little nugget into the world, thank goodness we had that cooler bag to keep everything chilled. Cell phones and chargers: This is going to be one of the biggest moments of you and your partner's life. If you are like me you are going to want to capture every moment. The last thing you want to worry about is your phone dying! Pro Tip: Buy an extra-long charging cord or bring a small extension cord. You never know where those outlets are going to be and those short charging cords don't always cut it. Headphones: These headphones can be used for mom or dad. I remember I brought them just in case I wanted to listen to music in the middle of the night or want to watch something. I didn't end up using them, but it was something so small that even if I didn't use them it wasn't a big deal. Portable speaker: We brought our rechargeable speaker with us. It was so nice to play music not only to lighten the atmosphere but also to calm me down and give me something to focus on as well. Travel Laundry Bag: I bring this travel laundry bag on all my trips or vacations. I hate throwing our dirty clothes in a pile and I don't want to mix it in with our clean clothes. It is just a nice accessory to have, I love that I can also just throw the bag in the laundry room and deal with it once we have a moment to get to it. Things for Baby: The Outfits: Bring one or two outfits. I brought one newborn outfit and one 0-3 sized outfit just in case. There were a few reasons I didn't go crazy. First: As a result of Covid, I knew our stay at the hospital would be short; they would want to kick us out of there as soon as possible. Second: We were not going to have any visitors because visitors were not allowed (again Covid). Third: Nurses are coming in and out doing tests on baby, the last thing they want to do is take them in and out of an outfit, no matter how cute it is. Pinterest Worthy Props: I am one of those Pinterest loving fanatics and I wanted our hospital announcement photos to be cute. I didn't want to post a photo where Jack was just born with all the gook and guck on him. Yuck! Plus, those little nuggets are all squished and swollen, it is better to take a photo the next day when they have had some time to decompress. Bring a cute changeable letter board, a sign, or even a banner. For mine, I bought a cute little banner kit that I could personalize with Jack's name along with a cute little swaddle sleep sack.
Things For Mom: Boppy/ Nursing Pillow: BRING THAT MAGICAL PILLOW!!! I needed to have two I.V.s placed in my arm. My veins kept blowing out so one of those two I.V.s had to go up towards my elbow. As a result, I couldn't bend that arm at all. I was so to have that nursing pillow to help assist me when trying to hold Jack. Pro-Tip: Be sure to use this when you are nervous about certain people holding your little newborn. I had my young nieces and nephews use this since they were too little to hold Jack on his own. This is also great for senior family members too! I am lucky enough to have my grandparents still here, Their strength is also not the best so I had them use it as well when holding Jack. Nursing Bra: I highly recommend bringing a nursing bra that also has the feature to hold the flanges of a pump. The reason that this is important is you never know if you will have to pump in the hospital. Jack had a hard time breastfeeding at first. He struggled with the sucking concept, he was getting frustrated, I was getting frustrated so one of the nurses suggested pumping and using a baby syringe to feed Jack. His weight was dropping too much so it wasn't even an option in my mind to pass it up. It would have been so nice to have a bra to hold the pump in place rather than sit there for 30 minutes holding it myself. Pro Tip: Put this on when you get there or even before you leave the house. It is one less thing you need to worry about because it can go from 0-100 in a matter of minutes. Trust me on this one. Birth Plan: Bring it, but be willing to be flexible. So many of the ideas I had envisioned, quickly got thrown out due to my induction and you know what? Everything turned out just fine and I wouldn't have changed it. I hope your labor goes smoothly without any hiccups, but to be realistic, you're probably going to have to compromise. So be prepared with your plan and don't be too discouraged if some things don't go as planned. Just try to remember it won't matter anymore as soon as that sweet little babe is in your arms. I recommend bringing two copies just in case. I remember one of mine got lost and luckily we had a backup. I even went so far as to laminate mine (that is the teacher side coming out). Going along with the birth plan, one thing I did not anticipate was being asked if I wanted to cut the cord. Everyone always asks the dad if he wants the honor, but I never thought about me doing it. I was quite surprised when the doctor asked. I politely declined, but I am sure there are some awesome mamas out there that would gladly accept. So if that is something that interests you or you had not thought of, put it on that plan girl! Makeup Bag with a Travel Mirror: I know it sounds vain, but I didn't want to hate my pictures during labor. We went into the hospital late at night and the next morning I applied my makeup before things got too crazy. Sometimes it's the little things that make you feel better. One tip with the makeup is to try to bring waterproof makeup so that you don't have raccoon eyes. Chapstick: With all of that breathing from pushing, your lips might dry out. If this happens, this will be a great relief. Makeup Remover Wipes: The last thing you are going to want to do is to get up and wash your face at night. Bring a travel pack of makeup remover wipes! It makes life so much easier. Hair ties, headbands, and bobby pins: Labor is hard work. Get the hair out of your face so you can concentrate on what you are trying to do. Your body is practically running a marathon, don't torture yourself with annoying hair in your face! You can even buy a cute headband set too. Back Massager Ball: I bought this during my third trimester. My husband isn't a big fan of giving back massages for a long time, so this was a great compromise. I could get as many massages as I needed without tiring out his hands. I highly recommend bringing this back massager because back labor hurts! Gum: It can be hard to get out of bed at times due to all the cords and monitors. I had gum with me not only to make it easier when I wasn't able to freshen up, but it also helped me concentrate on something during contractions. Pajamas with easy access: I knew that I would want to be out of the birthing gown pretty quickly. So I bought this pair of pajamas that could be buttoned open so I could access a boob easily. I thought about buying a birthing gown, but realizes it was one more thing I would have to wash and I wasn't exactly sure what kind of bodily fluids would be getting on it. No thanks! Waterproof Flip Flops: You will want a pair of flip flops just in case you may want to walk around to help progress your labor, but also for the shower as well. I am sure they cleaned the showers regularly, but it made me feel a little better regardless.
So here is a quick recap of what to bring outside of the obvious items:
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Hey there, I'm Melissa.Just a vintage loving new mama sharing ideas, recipes and ideas for the home. Archives
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